[46] A Slap on the Face

I was recently sitting in a hospital waiting room with nothing to read, so my attention was drawn to the television situated high in the corner. It was one of those studio audience shows where families and couples sit on a stage and tell the female presenter – and national television – all about their marital and relationship problems. On this occasion, a woman in her thirties was tearfully describing how her husband "does not pay her any attention, preferring to sit in his room for hours on end playing computer games with his best friend."

Eventually the husband was introduced and he walked onstage to a crescendo of jeering and booing from the predominantly female audience. The presenter proceeded to gently interrogate the man about his behaviour and it came to light that he had landed in the hospital casualty department because of his wife’s violence towards him.

“What happened Lisa?” asked the presenter.

“I went upstairs and told him to get off the computer,” said Lisa. “He told me to stop nagging him so I whacked him on the head with a snooker cue.”

This revelation was greeted with wails of laughter from the TV audience, plus one or two women in the hospital waiting room.

Thankfully, the presenter immediately took the audience to task and asked them what they found so funny. She went on to tell them that domestic violence is not funny just because it is meted out by the woman against the man.

“It is still domestic violence,” she lectured. “You would not be laughing if the roles were reversed would you?”

Domestic violence by men against woman is obviously much more prevalent than the reverse situation, and only a fool would say otherwise, but violence against men at the hands of their female partners is certainly no laughing matter and is a lot more common than most people realise.

I speak from experience.

I lived with a wife whose only answer to my daring to disagree with her or to answer her back was to lash out with her fists and her sharp fingernails. On one occasion it was I who ended up in hospital after she cracked me over the head with the iron because I refused to go out onto the streets of New York City at midnight to buy her dope, and that was on our honeymoon. On several occasions I turned up at work with black eyes and facial scratches and I soon ran out of excuses to explain them away to my fellow-workers. It was a female work colleague who eventually took me aside at an office night-out and asked me what was going on. When I went into denial, she said, “It’s me you’re talking to now. I don’t believe you. Please talk to me.”

That was the first time I spoke to anyone about my situation and we talked for weeks on end and she really helped me restore my self-esteem. I had been at a terrible low and my confidence was completely shattered. Not long after that I walked away from the marriage and have never looked back. I am now married to a wonderful woman and I am my old self again and enjoying life to the full.

Ironically, my male friends and fellow-workers at the office subsequently told me they knew there was something wrong and that I was obviously lying about my predicament, but it took a female work colleague to approach me about their fears. Apparently the guys were embarrassed and "didn't hink I'd appreciate their suggesting that I might be being beaten up by a woman".

So you will perhaps understand why I get angry when women treat female violence against men as a big joke and something to be applauded. It doesn’t matter that the man may be a complete jerk and a terrible husband. There is no excuse for domestic violence, regardless of the gender of the assailant and the victim.

Only once did I speak up when I found myself in the company of "feminists" who were condemning men in general for violence against women. When I explained my situation, I was told that I "must have hit her first". When I explained that I had not, I must have "deserved it". So much for "no excuse".

How many times have you watched a movie, TV show, theatre production etc where the woman slaps the man across the face after he has betrayed her or insulted her or whatever? It is accepted as the norm and almost always regarded as warranted and often very funny. Now reverse the roles and see if you find it justified or humorous.

It may be just a slap in the face. It is violence nonetheless.