Books, Poetry & Prose
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[41] In the Movies...
...every apartment in Paris has a spectacular view of the Eiffel Tower.
...every square kilometre of the African wilderness is prowled by lions, tigers and sundry other ferocious, man-eating beasts.
...every bad guy with a gun is a terrible shot and every good guy has the power to jump out of the way of speeding bullets.
...every oriental marshal arts practitioner has the power to fly or levitate.
...every cop who burst into a room trips over the carpet and falls head over heels before shooting the gunman who has been standing admiring his impressive somersault.
...every woman who takes a shower becomes sexually aroused.
...every bad guy who shoots at the fleeing good guy gives him a chance by aiming at the ground six inches behind his running feet.
...every American police precinct has a scantily-clad prostitute occupying a seat in the background.
...every time the good guy takes on a gang of roughnecks in a fist fight, the roughnecks politely form an orderly queue to take on the good guy one at a time.
...every time someone has a nightmare, they are lying on their back, wake with a scream and sit abruptly upright with wide staring eyes and sweating profusely.
...every spaceship goes speeding past hundreds of stars which are millions of light years apart, but that’s still not fast enough to shake off the pursuing alien ship.
...every detective who arrives at a crime scene says: “What’ve we got?”
...every copper who receives an instruction from his superior officer says: “You got it.”
...every bank employs a geeky, nervous, squeaky-voiced male clerk whose job it is to panic in the event of an armed robbery, resulting in the deaths of at least one other employee and one customer.
…every car crash results in not one but a series of tremendous explosions followed by a fireball of nuclear proportions.
…every single woman living alone in a New York apartment has a gay neighbour as a friend and confidante.
…every macho hero who has fought off a gang of villains before jumping through a window and landing 20 feet below and is then hit by several cars as he flees into the night, winces in agony as the glamorous lady applies some ointment to the graze on his arm.
…every graveside burial service is conducted under torrential rain.
…every person who goes shopping buys a long French bread stick.
…every remote island retreat is populated by a crazy madman who hides in the woods waiting for visiting groups of college students camping for the weekend, so that he can kill them off one by one.
...every square kilometre of the African wilderness is prowled by lions, tigers and sundry other ferocious, man-eating beasts.
...every bad guy with a gun is a terrible shot and every good guy has the power to jump out of the way of speeding bullets.
...every oriental marshal arts practitioner has the power to fly or levitate.
...every cop who burst into a room trips over the carpet and falls head over heels before shooting the gunman who has been standing admiring his impressive somersault.
...every woman who takes a shower becomes sexually aroused.
...every bad guy who shoots at the fleeing good guy gives him a chance by aiming at the ground six inches behind his running feet.
...every American police precinct has a scantily-clad prostitute occupying a seat in the background.
...every time the good guy takes on a gang of roughnecks in a fist fight, the roughnecks politely form an orderly queue to take on the good guy one at a time.
...every time someone has a nightmare, they are lying on their back, wake with a scream and sit abruptly upright with wide staring eyes and sweating profusely.
...every spaceship goes speeding past hundreds of stars which are millions of light years apart, but that’s still not fast enough to shake off the pursuing alien ship.
...every detective who arrives at a crime scene says: “What’ve we got?”
...every copper who receives an instruction from his superior officer says: “You got it.”
...every bank employs a geeky, nervous, squeaky-voiced male clerk whose job it is to panic in the event of an armed robbery, resulting in the deaths of at least one other employee and one customer.
…every car crash results in not one but a series of tremendous explosions followed by a fireball of nuclear proportions.
…every single woman living alone in a New York apartment has a gay neighbour as a friend and confidante.
…every macho hero who has fought off a gang of villains before jumping through a window and landing 20 feet below and is then hit by several cars as he flees into the night, winces in agony as the glamorous lady applies some ointment to the graze on his arm.
…every graveside burial service is conducted under torrential rain.
…every person who goes shopping buys a long French bread stick.
…every remote island retreat is populated by a crazy madman who hides in the woods waiting for visiting groups of college students camping for the weekend, so that he can kill them off one by one.
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